Thursday, November 11, 2010

Funny Stories About Cows

This is Neon Moon, not Stockwell, but you can get the idea.

Been getting a lot of hits from that particular search and it got me thinking. How about the guy who leaves his wife in the hospital the morning after an emergency Cesarean delivery and goes to the auction to buy a cow? Just for fun?

It made me plumb irrational I'll tell you. There I was in acute and lasting misery, all alone with my big red-headed baby boy and there he was having a ball and not even missing us. He didn't even call. Dang!

Well, the Good Lord got right back at him for that egregious transgression I can tell you. And the punishment went on and on.

We named the cow Stockwell after the folks we purchased her from (although she was registered and came already named, that name has long been forgotten). She was a really nice black one and milked fairly well, although she was quite light on her feet (she kicked like a twenty-mule team). Of course his mom and I were the ones that milked her most of the time so that wasn't too much of an issue for him.

However.....there was that whole jumping thing. You have heard of the Maryland Hunt Cup? Well that darned cow only lacked one requirement for participation...the whole actually being a horse thing...other than that she would have fit right in.

I won't say she jumped like a deer because she jumped better than any deer I ever saw. Walk right up to a stout, tall, corner post, and, from a standstill, fly right over it, land on the other side and get right to dealing with the other side being greener and all.

She was ALWAYS out. Never there when you wanted her to milk. Somebody always had to go bring her in separately....ever single day, twice a day...and that somebody was NOT me. I had a new baby and all....geez....

Still she was a good cow so we kept her. I don't remember what bull sired her first heifer calf, but she was long and black and elegant as well.

We didn't notice anything too unusual about the young 'un until she was a yearling and moved to the heifer barn. That was when, rather than going in the stable like we wanted her to, she jumped the gigantic concrete watering trough with a single bound. That thing is huge! Bam, right over it without touching a thing.

She showed the exact same propensity with fences as her peripatetic mama too...saunter up to the corner, pop up into the air and stroll away.

The boss had enough of chasing them one day, threw them both on the same trailer and hauled them over to Little Falls where the auction was at the time. The men hanging around there were so astonished that he was selling a pair of such beautiful cattle that he got all kinds of offers before they even went in the ring. I think the auction company owner ended up buying them for a real decent price.

Meanwhile, I gloated.......I still do. Forgiveness is a fine thing and all, but I guess I never have quite forgiven him.


Dani said...

Bad Hubby! hehehe

Linda said...

LOL revenge IS sweet;) Great that you'd share this the very morning we're shipping some cull cows....lone in particular;

Jan said...

I'm always fascinated at the variety of personalities and abilities of your ladies.

DayPhoto said...

We never keep jumpers, ever. They jump out three times and they are gone.

I'm sure you will laugh until the cows come home.


Throwback at Trapper Creek said...

Great story, those men! Nice calf, hope she doesn't take to jumping :)

~ Sara ~ said...

I would have made him special brownies every now and again. :) But then I'm evil like that...

threecollie said...

Dani, man oh man, was I ever mad at him! lol

Linda, it is and I have never let him forget it. He laughs about it though

Jan, they are mostly all different

Linda, you can't keep them. We live right along an Interstate!

Nita, she is actually a grown cow now expecting her first calf...and the first thing she did the first time she went outside was crash right through the fence and run like heck. lol. fortunately she is a good girl now

Sara, lol, can't say as I ever forgave him. I was in rough shape, the baby was sick and on very powerful antibiotics and I was more than just a tiny bit resentful.

Cathy said...

What a great story! I thought the nursery rhyme about the cow and the moon was shear fantasy.

Maybe not :0)

threecollie said...

Cathy, thanks! Very few of them jump, but the ones that do...oh, my... We have one that comes into the barn on a high trot like a dressage horse. She has been a pistol since birth, we jokingly called her Alpha Zulu Pinecone when she was a calf, because she had so much personality that she needed a fancy name. Her registered name is actually Zulu. You do NOT want to be stuck on the walkway when she comes in. She will bowl you over like a nine pin. lol

Cathy said...

NO way. Dang. When I look at the cows across the country road next to our little place outside Loudonville, OH - they look so 'sweet', so 'docile'.

Dang. Bowl you right over. OK. I have to watch that anthropomorphizing I tend to do - waaay too much.

(just consulted with Keith across the room. We think it's 'sheer' not 'shear' fantasy. Old brains - moving together ;-)

threecollie said...

Cathy, I think most folks don't realize how big cows are...and how much they run on the pattern of instinct for their species. And how little they notice little nuisances like people between themselves and something they want or want to do or an escape route or whatever. They weigh between a thousand and fifteen hundred pounds...just a slam from a head of one trying to knock a fly off their back will knock a person senseless.