First a salute to all of you who served our nation in our various armed services and to those of you who still do in one capacity or another.
Thanks. Without you there would be no cookouts, no parades, and indeed no America. And we love this land, no matter what.
I guess the boss is going to try to get set up and start chopping today. We are simply flat out of hay except for one lone round bale and we have quite a lot of stock in the barn that has to be fed. We had it all set to get some new baled hay from a friend of ours and then the godawful weather hit. No baling this weekend for sure.
The cows are running their little pick-your-own out in the fields, but even they benefit from a bit of dry hay to keep their rumens running at their best.
Me, I am bungling around each day, realizing hour-by-hour how much effort and time I was expending taking care of Nick. Like many old dogs, his last few years were simply besieged by infirmities. He needed to walk often. He needed to drink a lot. And then walk again. He needed the best of treats to keep him eating. And in his very final days he needed to be helped out and helped back in.
And petted a lot, poor old man. If you have an old dog you know that, although all this may be frustrating, you don't begrudge it. You just do it. Part of the routine.
And now it's all gone. And suddenly and forcefully I realize what a huge part of each day's routine he was. I keep glancing at the crate to see if he is looking at me for a walk. (He liked his crate and went in there to nap so he couldn't hear Gil bark. He was terrified of Gil.) Saving table scraps and thinking, yeah, he'll love this, hustling downstairs in the morning to get him out before he has an accident. Yeah, all of that stuff. And I miss him, silly old man.
I know this will all pass and I'll get used to being personally dogless for the first time I can ever remember. I'll pet Becky's rambunctious crazy man, Gil, if I get too dog-deprived, or welcome, dainty little Ren down for a visit now and then. And that will do me.
The kids are talking puppy. I am saying wait. I am tired. I want to rest until I want a puppy. Until I NEED a puppy. I know I will. Probably pretty soon.
But not yet. Please, guys, not yet.
I've always needed a short time to grieve, but those are times I have thought of as being "between dogs."
ReplyDeleteYes, a LOT of time all of a sudden. And a lot of room inside your head. As you know, I could stand it for only so long before I went on the hunt again. No puppies for me, though, thanks. Only grown up already know how to act dogs for me. I'm TIRED!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about Nick. Even though we know the ending before the story starts we still keep on. Can't imagine a life with dogs, but the in between breaks help a little.
ReplyDeleteOur old guy can't jump in the pickup anymore, and he's kinda crabby, and so it goes. I know how he feels some days ;)
So sorry to hear about Nick. Even though we know the ending before the story starts we still keep on. Can't imagine a life with dogs, but the in between breaks help a little.
ReplyDeleteOur old guy can't jump in the pickup anymore, and he's kinda crabby, and so it goes. I know how he feels some days ;)
So sorry to hear about Nick. Even though we know the ending before the story starts we still keep on. Can't imagine a life with dogs, but the in between breaks help a little.
ReplyDeleteOur old guy can't jump in the pickup anymore, and he's kinda crabby, and so it goes. I know how he feels some days ;)
I certainly understand about your feelings about Nick and getting another dog - I still can't bring myself to get another cat to "replace (like that'll ever happen)" my Rooster. I just keep feeding my friend's cat that drops by and giving him some attention. I guess that takes care of the need for a cat for now, and I don't have to worry something bad happening.
ReplyDeleteGrieving is always important..when I lost my wonderful old cat I didn't get that time because Terry showed up the very same day with another cat...a year old who needed me. I always need a spell, not getting it makes it harder.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine life without a cat and a dog or two or three or the chickens. I would have cows again in heartbeat, but Terry is tired of the fences and other stuff that goes with cows. But since I am the one in total charge of the cats/dogs/hens I will have them until I die. The kids will just have to take over after that.
Linda
http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com
I have to fight following you too far down this broken heart path.
ReplyDeleteI remember hearing dog paws clicking on the bedroom floor . . . when there was no dog there.
Coming out of sleep, I'd fee the weight of a small warm body snuggling beside me and come fully awake - alone.
No one understands this pain until they've cared for and lost a beloved pet.
I am so sorry.
Jan, I've been thinking back...this is the first I haven't had a dog since I left home at 18, and we always had dogs then, back as far as I can remember. Becky lives here and has Wally and Gil, but for the first time in forever I have no dog. It is weird, but I think a dog will come...
ReplyDeleteJune, I thought of you often in recent days...
Nita, first time in at least forty years that I haven't had my own dog. Feels really, really strange...and thanks...
jeffro, I can't imagine what you went through there...such a hard, hard thing. I'm glad you have the other kitty to at least help you heal a little
Linda, There has always been a backup dog....first time in over 40 years that I have no dog of my own. weird.
Cathy, exactly! He was so very needy the last couple of years, but it was me that he needed and that is not a bad thing. It leaves such a hole..