JRT

A Jack Russell Terrier is made out of rubber. Not just light-weight rubber band rubber either. 

No, JRTs are formed with the rubber they use to make tires for those giant Ukes down in open quarries and mines...you know the ones that can haul half a state in one box load. Only stronger and bouncier.

Inside that high grade rubber covering is an assortment of high tensile springs, coiled utterly tightly, with hair trigger releases. The merest puff of air will set them loose. Or a tap on the door. Or the Carolina Wren scolding an imaginary cat. Boinga, boinga, boinga.... Like a jack-in-the-box....or should I say Mack-in-the-box?

The springs are connected to each other with bungee cords, serious, hearty, hefty bungee cords, dare I say, presidential bungee cords, strong enough to hold a piano, should it wish to bungee jump.

A big piano, with an exuberant demeanor.

JRT schematic 

On the bottom are paws, four of them, each tipped with a full set of Damascus steel swords, small swords mind you, but sharp and tough. Tough enough to grind up the piano after it bungee jumps, leaving only expensive sawdust behind. Mere human hide is shredded like tissue.

On the front we find the laser eyes, able to detect the tiniest morsel of something the JRT shouldn't eat, including little tacks that fall out of the junk drawer, Peggy's favorite toys, raisins, socks, boots, bags, pens, oh, never mind, they can detect anything......everything.....faster even than the guy with the big S on his shirt and the red cape.

The sniffy smeller is also located at the front and is capable of finding chicken poop from half a mile away...whereupon the Hoover mechanism kicks in.

Flappy ears on top are even more sensitive and can hear Box Elder Bug feet as they scurry across the floor, triggering the powerful herding instinct of the JRT.

Also out front is a set of pointy little shark teeth, stolen from an infant hammerhead swimming in the Romanche Trench. These teeth are fully capable of shredding all materials, from paper to hardwood flooring and are always ready for action.

At the rear is the latest model of waggy-tail, which wiggles faster than a flea on a red-hot griddle, especially when trouble is in the offing. With a JRT it's all trouble.

The whole shebang is covered with rugged leather hide in a perfect tan-and-white pattern, with pink on the underside. The pink is delicate and dainty and gives an utterly false impression of what is contained within. It does serve however, to make the ticks quite visible, so the morning rings with, "Oh, no, another tick! Get the tweezers."

Because a JRT is low-slung like a Ferrari....only faster.

Powering this pint-sized juggernaut is a self-cooling, chicken meat (or at least that's what they claim on the can) powered super computer.If you think that Android or iPhone is powerful...well, the guys that run Anonymous don't have computers this powerful. It can process information at a speed far beyond that of mere light, and the rest of the package can propel the creature to something he shouldn't have..... faster than a mere human brain can realize that it is going to fall on the floor.

This brain is held within a bony structure no bigger than a tennis ball, and yet produces nine bazillion megabytes of madness per second.....

All this might seem a trifle intolerable, especially for a sedentary person, tasked with keeping up with this little wild thing....

However, at the very front of every model, right between the shocks and the front quarter panels, we find the love center. Jack Russell Terriers produce love faster than a romance novel and stronger than Valentine's Day. It is impossible not to love them back.

Yeah, we love our Mackalacking, Macanudo, Mack Truck, Mad Max, favorite dog in the world.......Mack, indeed we do.