Our Liz is about to graduate from college with a Bachelor of Technology degree. She has to finish an internship working on another farm and then she is done. Since she started college, four long and challenging years ago, she has wanted to come home and work into the family business with an eye to taking over. She has worked here on the farm since she was a toddler, including during all those years in college. (As have her siblings.) She has still maintained a spot on the Dean's List the whole time, as well as a membership in Phi Theta Cappa, and taken as many as 24 credits at a time.
Yeah, we're proud of her.
And yeah, we would love to have her come home to farm. (Any and all of the kids are welcome if they can work out a way to work together.) There have been plentiful times when we thought eagerly of retiring, but the place was kept afloat so we could take over and it only seems right to try to do the same for the next generation.
Wouldn't you think that the profs at an ag and tech school would be delighted to see her join us? Wouldn't you expect them to love to send young adults home to continue the family farm?
That is certainly what I expected.
However, for weeks, months even, Liz's teachers have been berating her for throwing her life and education away by coming home, especially since we are a small and not particularly outstanding farm. Discussion has become quite heated. All the many ways we might fail or she might fail have been pointed out. Her skill at breeding show cattle has been called into question (there have been several critters with the Frieland prefix that stood grand champion over the years-all of them hers). Her intelligence has been belittled. (That "dumb farmer" stereotype again). One teacher pointed out today that when she marries and has children she will want enough money to take them to Disney World and can't make it on a small farm.
And that, right there, just nailed me to the wall. Disney World! As if that were the gold standard of pleasure and achievement. The be-all-end-all epitome of American existence.
Although my folks ran an antique shop and book store when I was a young 'un, the boss comes from untold generations of farmers (we literally don't know how many). This farm itself is well over sixty years old and our kids are the third generation at this location. (The great grandparents had another farm on the other side of town.) We both grew up somewhat less than wealthy by conventional standards and never made it to Disney World. Can you imagine that? And then we went ahead and raised our kids the same way.
I know I should feel the depths of cultural deprivation over the Disney issue but actually I was perversely proud when Liz and Becky were in the lower grades and failed a test based on their cultural knowledge (they didn't know all the characters from the Little Mermaid or some other Disney flavor of the day movie.)
The boss and I both grew up showing at the county fair and thinking that was pretty big stuff. We have had visitors sneer at that, but darn, it really WAS fun. So we made sure our kids got to do it too.
When things got tight when they were small, instead of hopping on a plane for a warm climate and a theme park, we took "nature walk" mini vacations hiking around the farm. If one of us couldn't go their grandpa took them. They learned to recognize real birds and animals, to read tracks and know trees and plants. (Too bad about missing Minnie and Mickey, but they got to see robins and green frogs instead.) When we had time we took them hunting brachiopod fossils in Schoharie, digging Herkimer diamonds or hit the Old Stone Fort Museum or the NY State Museum. Or Blue Mountain Lake Museum. Or the Farmers Museum in Cooperstown. Poor deprived little things.
They missed out on jaded people dressed up as imaginary characters, and million-dollar thrill rides, and had to make do with piddly little tractor, horse and pick up truck rides (and cow rides sometimes). They had to suffer with just time with their folks and the grandparents...every day. However, they did get the chance to know that what they did every day mattered. Not only did their help mean a lot to us, but every time one of them picked up a shovel, taught a new calf to drink from a bucket, or drove the tractor out to rake hay they were helping feed the world.
To me, that stacks up pretty good against flying down to Disney World, but then I am not much of a sophisticate, so I could surely be wrong. And we certainly may fail, Liz or no Liz. Farming is tough stuff, no matter whether you have fifty cows or ten thousand. (The challenges are different, but I know I would much rather get up every morning and go out and milk our fifty than be the owner of a 10,000 cow place when the INS shows up and there is nobody left on the place to milk them at all.)
Anyhow, I personally can't wait until Liz is done with her education and home farming with us. If the farm fails, she has that degree to fall back on. If it succeeds, well, good, maybe she can afford to take her future children to Disney World.
If they even want to go.
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23 comments:
Excellent rant. I grew up a city kid but spent time on farms - and the farms were the best. I've spent my adult years urban, and now am struggling to find a way back to the country. The country is a good life - not an easy life, but a good life.
Urban life is physically easy and lucrative - but I still work 60-70 hour weeks, year 'round, and my boss has the nerve to ask us to take our blackberries when we go on vacation and be available at the drop of a hat 24/7. Worse, it doesn't matter how hard you work or how good you are, there's little satisfaction of accomplishment.
That's NO life.
You must be proud to have raised a daughter so clear about her priorities!
I had NO idea that the Disney thing was SO darned important, I really must have missed something like y'all. Congrats on raising a child that has some common sense!
WAY TO GO, FARM LADY!!
You got a good life and a great family. Trade that in for stupid Disney?! I'm raising my kdis the exact same way-- minus the farm part-- and it is the greatest, richest, most fulfilling life anyone could ever have.
Just say "no" to consumerism. Say "yes" to quality living.
More power to ye!
By the way, I love it when you talk tough.
Keep it up!
Hayden, thanks so much for visiting! It is a different but more satisfying life to me. We surely aren't rich in dollars, but the texture of life has more reality woven in then would be expected in the corporate world or the ivory tower of a university. We are proud parents of all the gang...they are good folks in our eyes
Loubob, thanks! I was astonished (and not so very happy) to hear of a college professor having such shallow values and spouting them at a student.
Mrs. M, I know your kids are amazing, having read your daughter's writings...proof in the home school pudding for sure.
I get carried away sometimes in my tirades and embarrass myself, but there are times when I just need to organize my thoughts and this is where I do it.
Amen!
I grew up on a farm, never went to Disney (thank gawd! We called him the 'glorified rat'), went on vacations (and took my own kids) to the same places you've mentioned...and honestly, I think it's the best way there is to grow up and be brought up.
So good for you-stick to your guns with the priority thinking. As long as someone is happy with their chosen career it's all good. Honestly, how many people do you know that own million dollar houses, big Mercedes, never glance at nature and are truly happy?
Honey! I've got goose bumps! You HAVE to submit this for publication. My God! Your family just makes me proud to be an American because people like you are out there.
Dang. I've been to Disney World and after this reading I'm feeling a titch deprived.
Tina, thanks so much for stopping by. As I said to Mrs. Mecomber, sometimes my tirades embarrass me the next day, but this issue has been bothering me for a long time. Modern thought seems to be to shove your children away from you as much as possible and kick them out of the house the minute they graduate from high school. So sad. Whatever happened to families that were close through three or more generations?
Cathy, sorry that you had to suffer through Disney World. I guess more people have than haven't.
I did manage to make it down to the sunshine state many moons ago, but we spent the entire time camping, hunting fossil shark teeth and shells on the beach and snorkeling. That just beat cartoons all hollow.
OMG! Where did she go to school? I'll make sure my kids DON'T go there. IMHO she is living and will be living a much richer life than those that would aspire to Disney World. Unbelievable. Oh well, the world is filled with all kinds. Those that speak like that are probably not very happy in their own lives. BTW I've never been to Disney World and don't care.
Guess what? We took our kids to Disney...once. Do they remember it? Nope, nothing at all for the younger one and very, very little for the older one. What do they remember? All the nature walks I used to take them on, catching crayfish in the creek, the museums, etc. In short, they remember us spending time with them and learning things...not being entertained.
WR, SUNY Cobleskill, but, I actually think quite highly of the school. Both our other kids are or will go there too. They offer an amazing curriculum. I think this kind of anti-small farm bias exists everywhere.
Stacy, well said! and...you are my 47,000th visitor and I thank you.
How totally ignorant and ridiculous. Disney World is standing in endless lines to do mindless overcommercialised stuff!
Oh man, I really dislike Disney for what it's done to FL.
My kids went a few times when they were little, but like Stacy and you said, it's the nature adventures we did that they remember and talk about.
I'd say you've done very well raising your kids.
Good post.
Jan, I am glad my parents had more sense (and not enough money) to drag us places like that. We did better things...like visiting archaeological digs and fishing.
FC, I can imagine it must be hard to watch your incredibly beautiful state be slowly paved over and covered with buildings. So sad
And thanks, that goes double for yours for sure. Hope Junior is ok
I'm just shaking my head. Unbelievable. And these are her teachers? Scary. Even scarier than thinking a trip to Disney World is the end-all-be-all.
Yay Liz!! For doing such a stellar job through her 4 yrs in college. And for knowing for herself where her future lies.
That really chaps my hide to hear that her teachers have said that. Check out our neighbors, www.keswickcreamerycheese.com
Their daughter, similar to yours, got her degree at Virginia Tech, thanks to her parents working on their dairy farm and she returned home to milk cows & make cheese. Now the diary farm supports TWO families. It's nothing grand, but it's a heck of an interesting & satisfying life. You tell your daughter to follow her dream and do what makes her happy.
Painted Hand...thanks for visiting. I checked out your blog and found it interesting, so I bookmarked you.
We are just taking the school thing day by day. She has only a couple of days left...thanks for the link to your daughter's successful family farm. Always good to see!
I grew up in South Florida with easy access to Disney World and Sea World! When I reflect on my childhood, the only thing I remember about the parks is my terror getting lost at Sea World and the teacup ride at Disney.
On the other hand, my skills in the home, kitchen, garden, and outdoors continue to repay me with joy and the confidence of being somewhat self-sufficient. When the glaciers melt, I might play a few games of trivial pursuit with all of that cultural knowledge collected over the years, but not until after I am done in the garden.
Hi Kate, thanks so much for visiting!
I agree with you so strongly about priorities. Spent the day with Liz and our other daughter and had such a wonderful time. This was Liz's first day home full time (one more final) and that was great too. We have such plans....
My mom never went to Disney World, either. She doesn't feel deprived by the loss, either.
But many people have told her she was stupid for becoming a teacher and "wasting" her engineering degree.
Cubby, good for her! I admire people who do what makes them happy rather than what makes them rich!
This is a great read. It sounds like your daughter is caught between two worlds, but knows what she wants. Good for her.
I recently read a fascinating book called "Limbo: Blue Collar Roots, White Collar Dreams" which had a story in it about a farm girl from around your area of NY who went to college and desperately wanted to get away from the farm; but this is a great reminder that sort of thing can work both ways. (too bad her teachers don't see it...)
Hi NYCO, thanks for stopping by. Sounds like an interesting book, which I will have to look for, as I would like to read it.
For now she is counting the days until she is done with classes (3) and then 16 weeks or 600 hours of internship.
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