Rusticating Rednecks Return

Moving fast as striking cobras, they skim along the crowded sidewalks. All skinny, all toned, all tanned and prettily polished.....except for the fashionably pale ones that is.

They are relentless in pursuit of the fastest path down the sidewalk, but seem to see little else. Every single one of them is skinnier than I am, fitter, swifter, and a whole lot shinier.

Like thousands of freshly groomed Standard Poodles compared with a shaggy dog like Finn. They were not impressed with the contrast....

Not quite A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, but
A Weed Grows in Manhattan....

..... home never looked so good. 

See, Alan needed to go to the Big Apple yesterday to take refresher training in how to act when working in the dangerous climate of the city subway. He didn't want to make the many-hours-long trip alone and wanted his lovely girlfriend, Amber, to accompany him. However, he had to stash her somewhere during the class.

34th Street and 6th Avenue was the chosen location. As an afterthought he suggested that I might join her so there would be two innocents abroad rather than one...perhaps not the worst idea in the world.

So picture two women, one of whom was walking the earth when early hominids were pounding rocks into little bits to make dirt, pretty much utterly unfamiliar with the area, not inclined toward city life, accustomed to the relatively slow pace of a rural locale,being  turned loose at at quarter to six on a weekday morning a few yards from the Empire State building.

Scary, huh?

We decided to find a Dunkin' Donuts and sit inside reading until somebody besides street sweepers and homeless people were awake.

But oops, the local Dunkin' was just a window on the street, through which sugary fat bombs were passed. No seating.

So we rented space in a Starbucks. I paid for a spot at a table with a caramel frapucchino, she had water and a muffin.

In the city where no one notices anything people stared at us....all the other patrons gave us a good ogling. Eh, it bought us half an hour of a place to sit that was off the streets. Well worth it.

We wandered some more and found a little two-story McDonald's with air conditioning and sanitary facilities. Amber rented us a booth with the purchase of a couple of parfaits, which we consumed at the speed of Galapagos tortoises at the zoo when confronted with heads of lettuce....slow, sleepy, turtles with sloppy dentures.....

Another hour went by. We began to attract glares from a manager, and so returned to the streets, which had awakened during our furlough.

We toured assorted stores just to get off the street and out of the heat. I was personally accosted by one of these guys, who had a placard in my hand and a bracelet on my wrist faster than I could say, "shoo." Little creep.

We spent an hour or so walking faster than is natural and avoiding being trampled before we almost literally stumbled onto a little square near Macy's with CHAIRS!!!

We nabbed a couple. They were razor-thin instruments of posterior pain, but never has a sight been so welcome.

Guess what I did while we sat......Yes, you are right, of course..... I made an eBird list on my phone. 90 Rock Pigeons. 1 Herring Gull....which was flying around and around the block terrorizing the pigeons on each pass. 1 European Starling. 2 House Sparrows, which hopped eagerly around our feet looking for crumbs. They had to be quick, because with all the passing people feet any crumb was obliviated in seconds.

And two, yes, two, Peregrine Falcons, flying up and down the city canyon. I only had my phone camera so no photos, but I had not left my enthusiasm at home. I pointed them out to Amber, watched them land on a window ledge near Macy's, and decided it was worth all the madness. Not that I have never seen peregrines before or anything, but these were the first of the year for the state. It was cool to watch them using buildings as cliffs and city streets as canyons.

Eventually Alan finished his class and we returned to the relative sanity of home. Ahhh.....