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Monday, December 07, 2020

Side Effects

 

This ugly virus can be blamed for much more than the mayhem it causes directly. We have the joined the ranks of who knows how many thousands or millions who have loved ones in medical and long term facilities and can't visit to offer comfort or be involved in care.

You know it's horrible when you read about it. You feel compassion and deep sadness for those facing it. However, nothing can prepare you for what it is like to have no contact but telephone calls to overworked nurses and doctors who barely speak English. To be utterly helpless, prisoners of covid laws.

My poor mom, whom many of you know well from Facebook, is in ICU in Amsterdam and struggling against the treatment she needs to live. She does NOT have covid. The nurse says they explain to her why she needs the mask, but the low oxygen the the mask should correct makes her confused, and she won't let them keep it on her. I am beyond certain that if one her children or their families could be there holding her hand and reassuring her she would relent. 

Instead the best they can offer is an iPad chat when she feels better. Or should I say if?

 I would like to yell at someone or pound on something, but there is no one directly involved here that is responsible for what is happening. Distant lawmakers, distant criminals in distant countries, people with no dogs in our personal fight, have decreed that this is how life will continue or end and there isn't one damned thing we can do about it. That does not help with the stress of the situation.

Meanwhile I am staying with Dad, which is a struggle I don't discuss right now. Let's just say I need my home and the outdoors and my own bed and my peeps. I just sneaked out to walk up the field behind the house for a few minutes in the first hour of the sun and that helped a bit. Out seems to be my natural environment.

 At the same time it unleashed a cascade of memories of when this was home...mostly of winters, as the fields were in crops in summer. We slid down the big hill on boards strapped to our feet with bits of leather that were loosely known as skis in those days. Raced like mad down the same hill with more kids piled on toboggans and sleds than could be easily imagined. Tumbled off at the bottom losing boots, finding our socks full of snow, and sporting new bruises that didn't slow us down a bit.

Getting "lost" in the tall corn that grew almost up to the house in summer. As county kids we always knew our way out but it was fun to pretend.

I could go on and on about football, dummy training rifles and war games that were okay then, and yes I had one, and yes, I played too.

But I won't right now. It just was a shock to have all those bygone days come racing into my poor tired brain. I wasn't going to write about this personal battle we are facing, but I find that I need to put my thoughts into words, and many of us in the far flung internet community rely on one another in times like these. I would be most grateful for any prayers or good thoughts you could offer. And it makes me feel much better to "talk" to you.



Love to all.

16 comments:

MsRowdyRedhead said...
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MsRowdyRedhead said...

You will all be in my prayers. This is the absolute worst time for this, and I pray Al recovers fully and soon. Sending hugs.

Cathy said...

Oh Mariane . . . Keith and I are holding you in our hearts and praying for your dear mother's health and the relief for your heart's concerns. I understand. Completely. The agony doubled by the inability to sit by her side. And this "I need to put my thoughts into words," . . . Your word's poetry carry your great heart forward with them - so that we may share your so-human journey. Sending Love and Hugs as we remember and wait for Spring's and Happiness's return.

Rev. Paul said...

What they said. Prayers on the way, as well, including for you & the whole family.

Scott said...

Very sorry to read this news, Marianne. I said a prayer for all of you. And I obviously send best wishes, and I will be thinking of you all.

aurora said...

I am very sorry you and your family are going through this, especially your mom. SO scary & heartbreaking. Elderly need advocates. Having just gone through a non-covid emergency surgery and hospitalization for my 88 yr old mother (we are a few days into the aftermath that follows) I feel your pain. The systems we find ourselves with, are so hard on everyone. It is good to seek what fuels you. Keep reaching out, writing, take those walks and feel what you feel. Best healing wishes for your mom, and those that love her!

Earl said...

Thought of you watching Sunday morning bird flocks flying, great masses in V shaped formations, must have been just lifting and organizing still at about 1200'. Made me wonder if they were going south or north -- how deep is the Winter?

Families go on as long as we allow them, better memories from those we love and they once loved us. If we are smart and fortunate we will pass that on to generations. Don't think Walton's Mountain stories from John Boy would fly today, but the life and loves we knew always will. Shocking to me was how much my father was gone as I helped him into his home after the hospital.

That flood of great memories is needed to heal hearts. God Bless.

Terry and Linda said...

Each one of you are in my prayers! I wish you could be with your Mom and I'm sure she wishes you were with her too.

That Rainbow is lovely...a message of hope.

Hugs for each of you.

Denny144 said...

I’m adding you and your family to my prayer list. 🙏🏻

Ontario Wanderer said...

Very sorry about your pain and your mothers. Hoping for better news in the future. Keep taking walks!

joated said...

Prayers for all. May your Mom get better soon so she can get back to you and your Dad.

joated said...

Prayers for all. May your Mom get better soon so she can get back to you and your Dad.

joated said...

Prayers for all. May your Mom get better soon so she can get back to you and your Dad.

Charlie's Girl said...

You all are in our thoughts and prayers. We finally made it out of CA and are somewhat settled in Rexford. Challenging times for sure but we are finally home after 55 years. So, so sorry to hear this. I only know about your Mom from what you post but I know this, she is a fighter and a strong woman as are you. Stay safe and stay well. Patricia

threecollie said...

Thank you all for your kind words, thoughts, and prayers. Mom is somewhat improved, although still in ICU. Dad is having problems now, falling, so I am still staying with him. Miss home and family but this is what is needed now. Thanks again

threecollie said...
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