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Showing posts with label Fathers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fathers. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 17, 2021

Today

 


Would have been Dad's 90th birthday. I wish he had made it. I miss him and Mom so much.... 

I keep a word processing document called Letterstomymother, in which I record all the things I need to talk to her about. We used to chat every evening for years and years and years, sometimes for five minutes, "Hi, how are ya? We're doing fine." Sometimes for two hours, clearing up all of our problems by airing them out good

Sometimes sharing stories.

Sometimes bragging. There was a lot of bragging. Mom cared if I found a good bird. She wanted to know about that big buck the boy got, or a promotion at work for one of the girls. She would have loved to hear about Bailey hitting five months old and being so darned cute and snuggleable. "How's that baby doing?" she would have asked.

Last night Peggy brought home a stellar report card. She is reading at nearly twice her project goal level. I really, really wanted to call Mom and tell  her, but that couldn't happen.

So I dropped her a note instead. It isn't the real deal but it's better than nothing.

Anyhow, Letterstomymother covers Dad as well. His profound deafness made it really hard to talk to him on the phone, but she always conveyed everything that was said in our little chats, and he always wanted to know. So I am sure if she somehow reads what I am writing to her, she is telling him what's going on, as soon as we get off the air.

Love you Dad. Love you Mom. Hope Heaven is all that is promised.



Sunday, June 20, 2021

Father's Day

 


For my brothers and me this will be our first Father's Day without Dad. It is hard.

It is the same for several of my cousins. We have always been a close family and those dads who were uncles too will be missed painfully today. Too many losses over the past few months, way too many.

However, for our own dear boy, it will be his first Father's Day, and that is what lights up the world for me. His new baby girl was much anticipated and loved long before she joined us here, and now... 

Welcome to the world Bailey Rae... and Happy Father's Day, Alan.

For all of you who read this, if you have your dad, hug him. Then hug him again, and then once more. I'm glad you can.

And if you don't, may the loving memories sustain you through today and all the other days without the ones who raised you.

A special Happy Father's Day to the dad of my three kids...I'm talking to you Ralph.... and to his wonderful son, Scott, who is a terrific dad to his two girls. And to all of you dads who might be reading this...it's your day!

Thursday, June 03, 2021

The Dutchman

 


You know of course that we lost both our parents four days apart over New Years. They were 87 and 89 and had a good life together, raised us, loved us and all the grandbabies and great grandbabies, and left their mark on the world in many ways. 


They never stopped doing and loving and living right up until the end. 


Covid made that end dark and lonely, something which is very hard to forgive at all, ever. Bad things were done and happened that I am not going to talk about here, but they sure should not keep families apart at such times. 


Anyhow, more than they loved all of us, they loved each other. They were more entwined than anyone I knew...utterly dependent on one another. If one was in the hospital the other pined and did all they could to fix things if they could. They never went anywhere without each other, shared hobbies and pastimes and work and play.


Mom was so damned strong that it humbled me. She simply did everything she could to make life right for Dad. She taught me to go after what was needed no matter how hard it might have been to ask.  He knew that he needed her and just how much and acted accordingly. I hope they are rewarded in Heaven for what they went through in their final weeks.


When they went it was as if the center shifted and the light went off in the world. I had them sixty-eight years, my whole life, and it wasn’t nearly enough.


But for three months I never cried. Not a tear, no dampness in the corner of the eye. Numbness and mournful malaise for sure but no tears. 


Then one day I was listening to the High Kings perform the Dutchman on my cell phone playlist, while I washed the dishes. 


Margaret and the Dutchman seemed to personify my parents’ relationship and the way they propped each other up and cherished each other for so many years.


I looked up at their pictures on the wall over the stove and started crying and couldn’t stop. The rest of that day was a melting watercolor of every loss I’ve ever felt, especially over the past 18 months.


Okay, everybody needs that. Good, maybe I will move on now.


Except that every single time I hear the song, no matter how determined I am to not react I do. Same way every time.


Many probably see me as a hard person. Or at least stoic. Farming can bring on the hard, all the while softening the center where no one sees. It certainly fosters stoicism. You just get used to things happening that you can’t control and learn to roll with it and just move on.


However, that song absolutely dissolves me right down to nothing every single time I hear it.


Should I take if off my playlist and harden the old shell, or leave it there on shuffle to sneak up on me with its reminders of all that is missing? 


We lost so many close family members, beloved aunts, an amazing uncle, good friends from all over the world in the past few months……I just don’t know. 


Sunday, June 16, 2019

Happy Father's Day

Father's Day

To my dad, who pointed me at the birds and little fishies, and all the other wild outdoor things. All my life he has demonstrated and shared a love of learning that keeps me racing against time even now. Hope you are finding good books to read and enjoying those apple bites. 



And to the father of my children, a guy who will sit patiently in the car for four hours while I go on a birding trip and then be willing to forego his planned auction visit so I can do more. I missed a life bird not going on the second half of yesterday's birdy expedition, but I was pretty pooped and we got a little Schoharie County birding done as well. It was all good. I'll get that Louisiana Waterthrush some other time.



To my dear brothers, both fine men, who have raised a number of delightful offspring.

To the fathers of our amazing granddaughters, who are of course, the brightest and most entertaining young ladies in the world.

And to all you dads out there. Hope you can feel the love flowing through all the neckties and grill accessories straight to your hearts, at which they were aimed. 

Love to all.

Watching a wild storm come in across Beardsley Reservoir, while the birder
clambers out across a narrow peninsula stretching out over the lake.

Also, Happy 34th Wedding Anniversary to the same guy above. Two holidays for the price of one. We somehow survived farming together for decades and are still having fun. Hard not to like that.

This pretty bird was right next to the auction barn, being harassed by a flock of
Common Grackles



Thursday, June 19, 2014

Gifts



Good things this week.

Our son took his lovely fiance hiking up Castle Rock last weekend. At the very top he picked me a pocket full of balsam fir tips. He knows how much I love the scent of firs.....
So I have them on the bookcase by the bed....the Adirondacks all night, every night.

And then there was his dad...you know what they say about apples and all....

He worked two long days for some friends, driving our skid steer while rock was picked. You would think it would have taken up all of his time just thinking about the work...anyone who has picked stone knows it's a job.

However, he found time to select one great, big, lovely rock and brought it home for me.

Gifts of the land..the very best kind.