TO: GOD
FROM: THE DOG
Dear God: Is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed?
Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it
still the same old story?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the
mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for
a Dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler
Beagle'?
Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears
him, is he still a bad Dog?
Dear God: We Dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand
signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's,
electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans
understand?
Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to
apologize?
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must
remember to be a good Dog.
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw
it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I
like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the
toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of
saying 'hello'.
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee
table.
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house -
not after.
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes
that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
***Not the sort of thing I usually post, but it made me laugh so hard it hurt. And since last night we lost power just as we were milking the last few cows and didn't get it back until around two AM I needed a good laugh...figured you might too.
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The National Day of Prayer
4 hours ago
11 comments:
Did you have to finish milking by hand? Ugh! That is one tiring job, but more than once we had to do that.
I loved the good laugh today.
Linda
http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com
I'm still laughing :)
Hope your power stays on!
Oh man, that was funny!!! Still laughing.
Glad your power came back on!
I love a good laugh-til-you-cry at mid-day.
Too funny, threecollie. My husband is always "talking" for our dog, and says similar things.
We never lost power over here, although there was a bad accident up the road today - 3 ambulances & the helicopter.
Fred thats great!! need a good laugh!!
Found out today that I can use rough lumber on the barn . Mosher is going too start this weekend . says about two weeks to complete it.
Love ya
Matt
Dayphoto, we only had one cow left and we let her go as she is nearly dry and would just as soon not be milked anyhow. Glad you liked the joke
Nita, thanks, me too
Aussie O, thanks, glad you liked it. I wondered if one of my dogs wrote it and sent it in....
Matriarchy, me too and I sure needed one
akagaga, we talk for the animals all the time too. lol. sorry to hear about the accident! I hate it when I hear sirens and all around here....small town, when you hear something like that it is so often someone you know. Take care
Matt, glad to hear you can use your own wood. It will be better anyhow. Have a good week, love you.
This could come from any one of my dogs! Thanks for the laugh.....I've had to pass this along to a my friend. Hope you don't mind. She can certainly relate :)
Hope your power stays on!
I don't usually post a lot of this kind of stuff as there are plenty of other folks who do it better than I can. However this one just tickled me. Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for the good wishes!~
Good one! Sounds just like our dogs.
LInda, I don't usually laugh out loud at email forwards but this one killed me and I just had to share it.
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